Thursday, July 5, 2012

We are all Reflections

We are all a reflection of what others have done to us.

Most people live by the stereotype that teenagers make their lives a whole hell of a lot harder than they need to be. They probably do. But no matter the needs, or the wants, or the reasons; those hardships shape who we are today.
And sometimes those hardships make people go insane.

When I was fifteen years, I first realized the motives of bad people. The short version is a damaged person did something to make themselves look like a bad person, and that damaged bad person did something to destroy my optimism. I don't know the exact reason why this person mentally shattered me, but it was probably because they were insecure about something, specifically something I'm sure I represented in their life.
And then you get it, a bully. A successful bully. A bully that was successful in breaking me.
After my roller coaster of an association with that person, I decided I hated that person. I decided I wanted to break that person, and bad. I realized I understood the motives behind criminals that want to hurt others.

But I never acted on that. I just left. I gave up. That event was among what I consider the turning point, or loss of childhood innocence. Children, in my opinion, are these magical creatures that do not hate and do not resent. Adults, on the other hand, hate and resent, and mostly do so because of the things that shaped their personalities into what they are as a younger person.

That event, among others, is reflected in the way I behave today. It's reflected in my insecurities. Maybe I can't trust people? Maybe I think everyone has an ulterior motive? Maybe I cry a lot, over nothing, over everything? Maybe I still have that tendency to make my life harder than it needs to be.
Of course, I suppose the point of this blog entry is to assess that for the first time in my life, I'm trying to shake those feelings of insecurity that cause me to do things like act like a clingy, desperate,  center-of-the-universe.
I think people have the entirety of their teenage years to get hurt.
I think people deserve their twenties to get over that hurt.